Summer 2024

I t’s been about a year since I last went spelunking in search of a new trove of canine quips and wit- ticisms by folks who were definitely on to something. By that I mean the observations that most resonate with our heart and funny bone are also the most honest and true. “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”—Ann Landers Ooooh… Honest and painfully true. “When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, and then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins. And hard to feel your lap! For faithful readers of this col- umn, you may recall a previously shared quote from British play- wright, Tom Stoppard: “Words are innocent… If you get the right ones in the right order, you can nudge the world a little.” The authors of the following got the right words in the right order— a lot. “My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”—Elayne Boosler Reminds me of Mark Twain’s, “TomWhitewashes the Fence.” I often look like Winnie whitewashes my fleece. “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.” —Phil Pastoret “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.”—Josh Billings Which says a whole lot more about us than the furry angel at our feet. We tend to be the shining star of our universe. It all revolves around us.And in so many ways it does. But would- n’t it be wonderful if once in a while we could love our dogs— and others!—more than we love ourselves? “Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”—Jerry Seinfeld Winnie HOWLS: “Took you guys long enough to figure that out!” Let me guess that anyone who has had a meaningful rela- tionship with their best furry friend has had occasion to look in their fur baby’s eyes and know exactly what he/she is think- ing.You don’t have to be a true animal communicator to know that our duplicitous mental shenanigans are no match for your canine’s common sense. There’s human sense and dog sense. And lately, Winifred’s common sense makes more sense than much of the human kind. “All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, how- ever, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn’t a dog.”—Charles M Schulz (While I have often used “only human” in these columns as a handy excuse for my failings, it never occurred to me to attrib- uteWinifred’s minor shortcomings to her being “only canine.”) In terms of human frailties, news curmudgeon Andy Rooney put it this way: “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” Ouch. Another painful slap upside the human head. Per- haps a good time to wrap up with some decidedly less painful bon mots. “When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” —Nora Ephron “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”—Groucho Marx. (And if you don’t know who Groucho Marx is, you shouldn’t be reading this column!) A screenwriter and best-selling golf humorist in a previous life, Mark Oman forsook his golf addiction and took up with Winifred, co-author of their screenplay, “Murder, Misfits and Mutts!” Mark and Winnie live in Carmel with four-legged little sister, Molly, and two-legged wife, Barbara. Contact Winifred (or Mark) at: mark@markoman.com . DOG TALES M A R K O M A N You don’t have to be a true animal com- municator to know that our duplicitous mental shenanigans are no match for your canine’s common sense. Love is a Four - Legged Word 66 C A R M E L M A G A Z I N E • S U M M E R 2 0 2 4