Summer 2025

R ecently, I heard a friend say, “When I die I want to come back as my dog.” Which made me wonder if there was ever a dog who desired to come back as their human? Hold that thought. As for any human wanting to come back as their dog, I think that depends on how you perceive yourself as a parent, guardian or best friend of your dog. If you could come back as your pooch sharing life with someone as wonderful as you, well then…Yeah. Sure. Beyond that, I would guess that most folks saying they want to come back as their dog have experienced enough of life to appreciate their dog’s capacity for navigating life’s little detours with great equanimity—not to mention their acceptance of dealing with the infirmities of advancing age. I moan and groan about my mind and body as I stagger into eight decades while Winifred strolls past 98 (in dog years) without a growl or whimper. I’ll have what she’s having! And coming back as Winifred would be less stressful in so many other ways. Watching her snooze in the afternoon sun… If I could only sleep like that. If I could only follow my nose, my instinct, half as well as Winifred. And how I would love to snort a snoutful of canine common sense instead of howling over so much human nonsense. When I grouse to Winnie about some injustice heaped upon me, she gives me the stink- eye and a paw upside my head that can only be interpreted as, “Keep it to yourself and get over it!” (Same thing a therapist told me years ago.) But enough of that.Time to get over it and onto the other side of the coin: What human attributes, behaviors and beliefs do I exhibit that would make Winifred want to trade places with moi? Watching all the physical and mental con- tortions I wrestle with in a day, I can’t imagine a single reason Winnie would want to come back for that. For that matter, why any dog would want to come back as a human. Admit it, we humans tend to agonize over the sim- plest things while complicating or trying to avoid issues of real consequence. Our furry friends live too much in the here and now to waste time for convoluted mind games, torturous recriminations or willful ignorance. My only excuse is:“Give me a break. I’m only human!”Winnie makes no such apology for any canine shortcomings. Nor does she or any other pooch struggle with our human lust after forever young! Not likely after watching us wage war with the creases, cracks and sags of our faces and bodies, the color of our hair, or lack thereof. I have seen no evidence to suggest that dogs agonize over how they look in later years. And they certainly don’t give a woeful woof over what other dogs bark behind their tails about any extra ounces on their hind quarters. That said, if any dogs actually do come back as humans they are probably the ones working at animal shelters, rescuing abused animals and the like. Not hard to spot these folks as they all possess great instinct, are able to sniff out trouble before it gets too close, and are supremely comfortable in their own skin, whatever shape it is in. They are not afraid to show emotion, happy to play and make fools of themselves in the company of four-legged friends or uptight bipeds. But the best reason why Winifred or any dog would never want to come back as a human may be best expressed by John Steinbeck who said, “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.” Winifred and I HOWL agreement! A screenwriter and best-selling golf humorist in a previous life, Mark Oman forsook his golf addiction and took up with Winifred, co-author of their screenplay, “Murder, Misfits and Mutts!” Mark and Winnie live in Carmel with four-legged little sister, Molly, and two-legged wife, Barbara. Contact Winifred (or Mark) at: mark@markoman.com . DOG TALES M A R K O M A N Our furry friends live too much in the here and now to waste time for convoluted mind games, tor turous recrimination or willful ignorance. A Snoutful of Canine Common Sense 56 C A R M E L M A G A Z I N E • S U M M E R 2 0 2 5