Winter-2022

A few months back my mother passed away at the age of 92. I share this story because I think it is important for us all to know about an option available in the state of California, of which I believe most people are not aware. I know I wasn’t. Getting old is not something that has a whole lot of upsides. It’s better than the alternative until it gets to a certain point. My mom had a stroke several years ago and that triggered a subse- quent chain of events. She fought hard to get better and recover from what the stroke had inflicted upon her. Not being able to use one of her hands or walk again was just part of it. She went to physical therapy and occupational therapy on a regular basis. Her intention and strong will to over- come her disabilities were undeniable. Being a very social person, she need- ed to get better. Prior to the stroke she was super healthy and went on long walks most every day, living a beautiful, full life. The challenges that became evident as time went on after the stroke did not detour her attitude, as she still desired to do all she could to recov- er, but time and age presented a con- trary dynamic. Though her mind was still 100%, her body was declining. She lived in her own place at an assist- ed living home in Scotts Valley. My brother Dave spent a few days a week taking her to doctors’ appointments and physical therapy, and I am so grateful for all he did to help her, my sis- ters Cherie and Kathy as well. As time rolled on after the stroke, there were falls that were related to her declining state. She made several visits to the ER at Dominican Hospital.The last fall was a bad one and, instead of going home, she ended up in a rehab center. She was mis- erable there and was in a lot of pain. After her time there, we were able to get her back home, but at that point the physical setbacks were much worse. It became obvious that she would no longer be able to stand or get out of bed. She was no longer able to feed herself and would require someone to be always with her or in the house. She required round the clock medical attention for the administration of various medications and hospice was onboard to help. What was happening to her at that point in time resulted in a total loss of dignity. My siblings, my niece Erin and myself were there with her in shifts to feed her and provide comfort, but there were things happening that were so emotionally and physically painful for her that there had to be a change. Hospice said she could survive up to a year in her condition. That was too much pain and suffering for her to endure. My sister Cherie brought up The End of Life Option Act. This is the basic premise: The Act gives mentally competent adult California residents who have been diagnosed with a ter- minal disease the legal right to ask for and receive a prescrip- tion from their physician to hasten death, as long as specific cri- teria are met.This is a state law which passed in 2016. At the mention of the option of utilizing an aid-in-dying drug, my mom expressed her wish to pursue that avenue. She wel- comed a release from living day to day in her condition, which she felt was no way to live. My brother and sisters and niece and I assembled in her bedroom on the day that she deter- mined would be her last.We all arrived a few hours before the designated time to enjoy time with her, telling stories and laugh- ing and crying—being there for our mom who had given us all amazing lives and so much love, who had been there for us from our very beginnings.Through the choice she made to end her life, as much as she was ending the pain and suffering for herself, she was ending the suffering for all of us.The love in that room was powerful and when it came time for her to say her final goodbyes and drink the drug cocktail, she was as strong as any person I have ever known. 10 seconds after the drink she fell asleep and six minutes later her heart stopped. It was a beautiful and extraordinary day. It could not have gone better.We love and miss her so much, but at the end of the day our family is stronger and closer, and our mom is no longer suffering. 48 C A R M E L M A G A Z I N E • W I N T E R 2 0 2 2 PUBLISHER’S NOTE S T E V E S N I D E R The love in that room was powerful and when it came time for her to say her final goodbyes and drink the drug cocktail, she was as strong as any person I have ever known. She Did It Her Way